Doing Time on Seefra
by why 'cuz I said so
Summary: We haven't heard much from Rommie (the android-avatar part that is) this season (5th), so here she is, talking about life on Seefra. chapter 6 up 3-20-05
1. Memory file

Title: Doing time on Seefra

Spoilers: Definitely for most of season 5, best to be safe and assume all previous seasons as well

Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Andromeda. And I am getting nothing for any of this. Ok? Ok. And while I'm here, can I ask a question or two? Why do we all put these disclaimer thingys here? Has anyone actually gotten in trouble for writing fanfiction? Seriously? Some of the stories I have read are excellent indeed, but I really doubt anyone has ever made any cash off of them. Ok, moving on now.

Characters: I originally intended this to be exclusively Rommie, but Harper somehow managed to weasel a rather large part in the first chapter. Don't ask me how, he does it almost every time I start to write one of these. Other characters may appear later. Depends.

Please note, this is definitely not one of my silly humor-based stories. Not even a little. So if you are looking to laugh, please don't bother reading this one – you'll be disappointed, I'll be disappointed. I'm working on a funny season 5 based story, but it's still too fragmentary to post.

* * *

* * *

Playback memory file "lost"

"Stay safe"

(Flash)

(Physical sensors offline, data loss, internal clock malfunction. Time period of indeterminate length. Nothingness. Darkness. Loss.)

* * *

Avatar reboot  
attempting to connect to AI……..  
fail……  
retry……  
fail……  
abort connection to AI - reload from stored core programming…….  
damaged sectors 9153-9354, 15766-160004, 22989-23144  
continue reboot? Y/N  
programmer input Y – ignoring damaged sectors  
reboot complete.

"Dylan! Dylan where are you? I have to find Dylan."

The avatar sat up, pushed herself off of the workbench, and attempted to leave the lab. It was clearly Rommie, but at the same time clearly not Rommie. The proportions were slightly off, the movements not quite as smooth, the skin and hair of a lesser quality. These were all minor defects though. The real difference was the eyes. Almost completely blank, no personality, no hint of what might still be locked up in that mind.

"Rommie, Rommie wait! You can't go out there yet, Marika's goons might see you. You'll get us both killed! Come on babe please, come back and let me explain things to ya. We'll both keep looking for Dylan and the others later."

The avatar didn't even pause when Harper grabbed her arm. She just wrenched herself free and continued towards the door. "I have to find Dylan. He's in trouble and he needs me. I have to find him."

"Wait just one minute, please Rommie? Oh come on, pretty please with a synthetically generated imitation cherry-like fruit on top?"

He couldn't even slow her down. In desperation he made a last lunge and hit her 'off switch.'

"Oh man that didn't go well. I just need to put more of my considerable genius into the problem. I bet I need to bridge some more of those damaged sectors. Might as well tweak her body while I'm at it, still not quite right…."

* * *

new data integrated…….  
ignoring damaged sectors…….  
reboot complete.

"Dylan! He's in danger. I have to find him. He needs me."

Again the avatar with the blank eyes moved straight to the exit.

"Come on Rom-doll, not again! Yoohoo, your creator and savior over here! Just listen will ya Rommie, you can't go find Dylan right now. I can here Marika's creepy creations out there!"

The engineer seemed better prepared for the avatar's single mindedness this time. He locked the door and attempted to reason with her for a while. He shut her down when she stripped the skin from her frame trying to use a welder to escape.

* * *

overriding program imperatives 12alpha92omega and 34epsilon009………  
new data integrated……..  
ignoring damaged sectors……….  
reboot complete

"Dylan!"

"Not again! You can't find him, trust me! I've been looking and waiting for over 18 months."

"I need to find Dylan."

"Oh Rommie."

* * *

………..

reboot complete

"Dylan! I have to find him."

* * *

………..

reboot complete

"Dylan!"

* * *

Digital Harper appeared within Rommie's VR matrix. It was still the same desolate, static-interrupted, uncontrolled environment that had appeared the first time he managed to reinitialize the remnants of Rommie's personality. So different from the cool, efficient, elegant, but so human Rommie that he loved. Still, the image that appeared in front of him was just like he remembered and it gave him just a little hope.

"Uh, hi again Rommie. It's good to see you."

"Hello" Rommie paused a beat "Harper"

"Ahhh, I'm so sorry Rommie, it failed again. I don't know what's wrong. I've tried everything, but you still keep… I just can't get the materials I need even with all Marika's connections. And it's not like I have a lot of spare time with her always breathing down my neck about those 'genetically perfect beings' she's trying to create, and…."

Harper paused. "You aren't angry are you? Or disappointed? Or anything. I almost wish you would yell at me or something. You must remember getting angry at me, you did it everyday. Nothin' huh?"

Rommie responded with nothing but a look of polite attention.

"Listen Rommie, I'm not giving up on you. I'll keep trying as long as it takes. But for right now I need…I'm just gonna try something new. I'm using your core personality, but I gotta, uh, change it a little. It won't really be you, but it's the best I an do right now. You just have to trust me, okay?"

Pause. "I trust you. Harper." Another pause. "Will you answer a question for me Harper?"

"Sure doll, anything."

"How long have I been here? My internal clock is… nonfunctional and my records are damaged."

"We've been here two years Rommie. Two years since Arkology, two years since we were torn apart atom by atom and dumped here, two years since everyone we ever knew left us. In case your wondering it's been over a year since the first time I rebuilt your body and tried to upload your consciousness into it."

"Ok Harper."

"I'll come back and visit soon Rommie, I promise."

* * *

end playback memory file "lost" 


	2. Still here

A/N: This is all Rommie talking to herself, so I dispensed with quotation marks. The comments in the( ) are kinda scene desciptors. Just a little imagery to help you see what I was seeing when I wrote this.

* * *

(Rommie is standing within the VR environment she has created within her own mind) 

Why am I here again? This place seems so ….wrong. Harper requires it to interact with me, but he is not here now. Why do I spend so much time waiting here? It's so ugly. It's supposed to be a reflection of myself. Am I ugly?

"Stay safe." How many times have I replayed that memory file? It contains the last clear record I have of my former life and my struggle here. I know I can trust him, he is trying to help me. But I'm still wrong. Everything is wrong. No matter how much I search what remains of my records I can't access any of the data I need to understand. So many images, beings, places, events. So much violence, I do remember violence. And pain. And loss. But so few names, relationships, context. I don't even know who or what among the images might have been friends or enemies.

So much data loss, so much jumbled programming. Core imperatives remain, but they are stripped down to basic command lines. Protect. Serve. But who am I supposed to protect and serve? It has to be more than Harper; I have images of so many beings. And how? I have no body, no link to anything outside of my own mind, I don't even know what is happening out there. I am completely powerless.

I'm not even really in control of my own mind. There are … gaps? I think I was shut down more than once. Was I self destructive? Did I try to hurt someone else? The records have been wiped. I think I may have attacked him once through his dataport while he was in my VR matrix. The record is damaged; I must have tried to erase that record myself but I couldn't even do that right. That is the one memory I wish would go away. I wouldn't wish any of my other memories away, not even the tiniest meaningless fragments. I can't even wish the memories of pain and loss away, because they are all I have left of who I was. Even if I was a failure at least I had a purpose and I tried to fulfill it.

(The VR environment becomes even stormier and begins to lose cohesion)

I just want to know why I exist! I need proof I really do exist! I want to do what I am meant to do. I want anything but this!

I'll never get out of here. None of the past matters. I have no future, only this endless empty present.

(Everything goes more grey, seemingly calmer)

I may trust Harper, but I'm not sure I still believe he can fix me. And there's no one else. No one to save me.

* * *

A/N2: I was originally going to end it here (it is an angsty fic after all) but now I'm thinking I might add a chapter or two. Involving either actual meetings/confrontations between Rommie and the others (like the first chapter) or Rommie's internal thoughts about said meetings (more like the second chapter). Hmm, anyway I'm going to try to get the humor fic up before I work on this anymore so it might be a while. You've been warned. :) 


	3. Solution

A/N – ok, I know I said I was going to post a humor fic before I posted an update to this. Thing is, I lied. Mea Culpa. It's just that chapters for this fic come to me whole, and chapters for the other one come to me in halves. I have 5 half chapters for that one, but this chapter came all at once. What's up with that? So I think I'll wait until that one is wholly complete before posting, but keep updating this one whenever I manage to wrench a chapter from my brain.

Also, I've noticed that many authors have beta readers. I don't, so any and all errors are completely mine. My, this is embarrassing, umm, if anyone has spare time and would like to beta my fics feel free to email me. You can even specify a preference for humor or angst. I'm not all that prolific so there wouldn't be too much wordage involved. Ok, on to the fic!

* * *

Dylan was encouraged; the environment seemed less chaotic and Rommie herself was much more substantial. "Hello Rommie." The information Harper had retrieved from Andromeda's main database appeared to be helping. 

"Hello Captain. How may I help you?"

Then again, maybe he was wrong about Rommie being better. Trying to seem casual he took a closer look at her. Her lack of emotion, posture, her entire attitude seemed to be a copy of the main AI's. "I don't need anything Rommie. I just wanted to see how you are doing. I heard Harper was trying some new updates. Obviously they are having an effect. How do you feel about them?" He grinned widely, trying to engage her sense of humor. "Are they an improvement or a Harper patented pain-in-the-behind?"

"Actually Captain he has not made any substantive changes in many months. The only updates Harper has made recently are data dumps, mostly audio and visual records dating from the time you were pulled from the black hole until now. I have expressed a desire to process and integrate the information before any further attempts were made to restore my personality matrix."

Dylan's grin slid from his face. Hecould understand why she had asked for time; she wanted to have an idea about who she was before Harper continued his attempts to restore who she was. He remembered reading somewhere that many long-term amnesiacs were afraid of regaining their memories, afraid that they wouldn't like who they had been or that they wouldn't be able to meet expectations. In a way Rommie and Trance had a lot in common. But that still didn't explain why she was acting like she was. "Rommie, you're more than just a personality matrix. You're a living, sentient being. Your body made need repairs or upgrades but the real you needs healing and help and counsel. Don't start thinking of yourself as a machine, not now. We care about you Rommie and we'll help you find your way back to us."

Rommie blinked once. "Thank you Captain. I appreciate your concern. I am looking forward to being fully funct…fully myself again."

Rommie gave Dylan no indication that she wished to continue the conversation any further. The captain decided he needed to time to process new information himself. "All right Rommie, we'll leave it there for now, but I'll be back soon to talk more about this. It won't be much longer before you're back on the Andromeda with me where you belong." Dylan exited the VR matrix and stared at the floor of the lab, still holding the VR goggles. So many thoughts running through his head, about Rommie and all the other members of his crew. He lifted his head, stood up straighter, and walked towards the door. He could fix everything and he would. Everything could be put back like it was before. Everything would be put back the way it was before.

**ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

She stood there staring at the place where her captain had been a nanosecond before. Nine different kinds of pain threatened to tear her apart. Thoughts she couldn't stop flashed through her mind on top of one another, relentlessly punishing her for almost every choice she had ever made.

"I don't need anything Rommie." He doesn't need me. They never really did. He just came out of a sense of duty, he always was a nearly perfect High Guard officer. I was useful sometimes, but I was never vital. They're getting along just fine without me. Doyle is an adequate replacement for the times when they need a non-organic body.

Dylan. I use to call him Dylan, by his request. I want to call him Dylan, but how many times did such inappropriate closeness nearly bring harm to him? To them all. How could I ever have allowed myself to cross the line from acting human to believing myself equal to humans? That last upload included all the regulations involving AI's and avatars. Punishment for physical involvement with crew – disassembly, punishment for disobeying orders – erasure, punishment for attempting to leave service – severing from main AI and removal of **all** records (memories, organics would call them memories, ). Lists of punishments. No lists of rights. ("It won't be much longer before you're back on the Andromeda with me where you belong.")

Pax Magellanic (Maggie, I wish you were here, I wish any of my sisters were here) loved her captain, and she ended up insane. But she didn't know she was insane. Am I insane?

Harper made Doyle. Has even he given up on me? He used to say he loved me. He hasn't said that in a very long time. Why do I keep thinking about love! All the data from Andromeda says I have no right to think about love. Everytime I have tried to love it has brought me in direct conflict with by my basic imperatives (Oh Gabriel, I still miss you. I'm sorry I had to kill you.)

+Warning command line conflict – Warning emergency shutdown immanent – Conflict resolution imperative – Warning shutdown immanent+

Well, there it is. I am nothing more than a machine. Not even in control of my own 'imperatives'. Harper must have programmed in safeguards the last time I reacted emotionally. No, my only hope of being useful (Survival, I still want to survive, despite it all I still want to live! Please!) is to become a corporeal embodiment of Andromeda in the fullest sense. I must stop trying to emulate humans, and become what I really am, a machine designed to aid my ship's crew in any way they deem fit.

+Shutdown aborted+

What more confirmation could I need? I must give up all my foolish ambitions. Dylan, no, Captain Hunt, and all the others might have forgiven my previous errors, but I cannot afford to repeat them. Nothing must go wrong this time. I am ready. The next time Harper returns I will tell him I am ready to be uploaded into the body. I will give him no reason to shut me down and return me to this place (This hell, three years here, I can't stay in this hell anymore, I promise I'll be good, don't make me go back, please Harper!). I will become what I was meant to be. Nothing more.

* * *

A/N: just me again – just wanted to say, I promise this is as depressed as Rommie gets. I'll probably make her get better, though a twisted part of me wants to write a fic where there is no happy ending. This could be it. evil grin> Seriously though, if you have **strong** opinions about whether or not this should have a 'happy' ending (eventually) lemme know. 


	4. Spy

A/N: Hi all! I just wanted to thank my reviewers for all their helpful comments/suggestions and encouragement. I'm keeping them all in mind as I slowly wrench this story from my brain!

* * *

"Hey Rommie. I hope you don't mind me visiting, Dylan said you were feeling more like yourself so I thought I'd come see my favorite warship avatar." Beka tried not to visibly squirm as she looked around at the VR matrix. While it was no longer the desolate landscape Harper and Dylan had described it felt colder and harsher than ever before. They were completely engulfed in blackness with only herself, Rommie, and the datastream representing the exit visible. The place was giving her the heebeegeebees. She tried to focus on Rommie, "I like the new hair, long, brunette, classic. Though just about anything would have been better than that blue thing you tried awhile back. What were you thinking?" Beka managed to force a laugh but she had a bad feeling she wasn't fooling anyone.

"Hello Beka. I am glad to see you, though I was expecting Harper. He has not entered my VR matrix in several weeks."

"Oh, yeah, sorry about that. We've been keeping him busy up on the Andromeda, big problems with the Seefran suns. I'm sure he doesn't mean to neglect you though. You know what he says, you're his favorite creation."

"Did you know he runs a scan on my matrix everyday to check for deterioration? I am able to attach messages to the scan result output. We used it as a method of communication for years. He has not responded to my last three messages indicating I wished to talk with him about re-uploading me into my body. Do you know why he is purposely refusing my request?"

Now Beka was really uncomfortable. She hadn't known about this. Harper was forgetting to mention things to her again. Or was it Dylan; he was the one who had asked her to come and talk to Rommie. Someone was in trouble. "Rommie, really, I had no idea about all that. I promise I'll have a talk with Harper later, but maybe he really is too busy. There are some major problems out there. Dylan's thinking about you though, he's the one that asked me to come and talk with you. He said you looked like you needed cheering up. So here I am, Beka Valentine, happy cheery girl."

"I see. I am fine Beka, just tired of being here. I want to be reloaded into my body. Everything will be fine once I am fully restored. Please pass my message on to Harper and Captain Hunt when you see them Beka."

"Ok, Rommie I know when I'm being shown the door." Beka forced herself to take a good look at Rommie. What she saw did not make her feel any better. She sighed quietly, "Don't worry Rommie, it'll be ok. I'll see you soon."

Beka pulled the VR goggles from her head and stared at the wall, trying to block out the image that appeared in her mind every time she thought of Rommie. No matter how hard she tried the only thing she ever saw was that half face trailing wires suspended in a metal coffin. She couldn't connect her memories of her friend with that image, and now that she had finally gone into the VR matrix for the first time she couldn't see her friend in that strange creature there either. She wasn't sure what sort of Frankenstein Harper had created but she was definitely going to have a talk with both him and Dylan.

**ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

After Beka disappeared Rommie began to process all that she had learned.

"… maybe he really is too busy. There are some major problems out there." Meaning that I am a minor problem. As I suspected. They have adapted to life without me. In my next message to Harper I will ask for an estimate of when he will be able to work on my problem rather than request his presence. This will put less pressure on him and make him more inclined to at least think about my problem. There was a time when my problems were his first priority. (memories of Harper screaming that he had to fix her before fixing anything else and being literally dragged away from her inert body by Tyr flashed by) What is that human saying? Things change.

"… my favorite warship avatar" Of all people I had thought that Beka would be the least likely to refer to me as 'warship avatar.' "… anything would have been better than that blue thing you tried…" She used to encourage me to express my individuality. (We used to laugh with Trance on the Maru and complain about the men. Things change.) It doesn't change anything though. Not really. It is just further confirmation of what I have learned here. And she was right that 'blue thing' was foolish, completely outside the recommended parameters given in my programming. I was given limits for a reason.

"He said you looked like you needed cheering up." Captain Hunt believes I am not operating at optimal levels. That could explain why I'm being keep isolated not only from my body but also from the ship's main database. He is concerned about my mental state (I'm not insane. I'm not. I can't be!). I will try to appear more enthusiastic, that is often interpreted as 'feeling better.'

I wonder if they even trust me anymore. I had not fully considered the implications of not being allowed access to the mainframe until now. Harper mentioned something about Andromeda's own instability and that much data disrupting the structural integrity of my matrix, but he has uploaded a lot of data into me, and not even attempted any modification of the physical structure incorporating my matrix. Now he is avoiding me altogether. Captain Hunt is sending others to observe my mental state and report back to him. And this was the first time Beka entered the VR matrix, and Trance and Rhade have not even attempted to communicate with me. Are they afraid of me? How could I possibly convince them to trust me; it is a fact that I am smarter, faster, and stronger than any of them.

If I am only a minor problem to them, and they don't really need me, and they aren't even sure that they can trust me….

Should I be afraid of them?

* * *

decided to give Rommie a little bit of paranoia there, 'cuz paranoia's good for ya. Or is it bran that's good for you? I always get the two confused. 


	5. Finally

Harper and Dylan stood before before Rommie in the VR matrix.

"Hi Rommie. How ya doin'? Good, I hope. Heard ya missed me, are you sure you're feeling all right? Not that I'm complaining or anything. Heh, heh. Yeah ok, anyway, I can't believe that you thought I was neglecting you! 'Cuz guess what? Come on, guess!"

"That will be enough Harper. Rommie, Harper and I have been talking and if you are certain you want to try he is willing to try to restore you to your android body again. Are you still set on doing this now?" Dylan was not completely convinced this was the best course of action. Rommie was still not herself, the crew still spent half their time fighting, and the entire system was in choas. It was not the best situation to drop a fragile personality into.

"Yes Captain, I'm absolutely…" A brief distorted memory of her arms shoving Harper across the room came to her. She turned to Harper, suddenly uncertain. "It is safe isn't it Harper?"

"What? Oh yeah doll, no chance of anything going wrong. I've got so many fault protections built into to the upload program even Trance couldn't mess it up. And I've been working really hard on getting your body just the way you like it. Lots of extra buffer space too. Nope, this procedure is absolutely 100 percentsatisfied-or-you-get-your-money-back guaranteed safe."

That wasn't exactly what she was worried about. Still, she had changed, things would be different this time. She turned back towards Dylan. "Then I would like to complete the process and return to my duties as soon as possible Captain."

She was looking him straight in the eyes. He couldn't refuse her when she was looking at him like that. And they did need her back, badly, though he refused to tell her that and put any undue pressure on her. He forced a smile, "Well then you're in luck. Harper took the liberty of setting everything up before we came here. As soon as we exit he can start the process."

Harper broke in, "And exactly two hours and thirty seven minutes later you will wake up in a lovingly crafted body designed for maximum pleasure. Yours that is Rommie, I swear!"

Harper's apparent eagerness and Dylan's fake smile didn't fool her. It was obvious they were still uncertain about the process. (Will Harper shut me down again if I don't act the way they want when I wake up? No, this time I'm ready. It's really going to happen, I'll have purpose again, an existence outside of my own consciousness.) She didn't break eye contact with Dylan, "I'm ready."

"All right Mr. Harper, it's been two hours and forty five minutes and she's still not awake. I'm beginning to doubt your skills, or at least your ability to count." Dylan was standing beside the table Rommie's body was lying on, staring at her. He had been waiting eight extremely stressful minutes for something to happen, and he was about to take his frustrations out on Harper.

Harper had been unable to hold still even for a moment, and was currently running diagnostics on Rommie's body. "Hey, insulting the genius isn't going to help matters here. And I can count just fine thank you! Anyway when I said exactly, I actually meant more or less. In this case, more. The process is complete, but we have to give her time to get use to her new environment so to speak, it's been awhile for her you know." Harper was frustrated himself and more than a little worried he would fail again. "I've been here before remember. Do you know how many times I tried this before? And it always failed, and do you know why? It was 'cuz she couldn't stop looking for you, she always…." Seeing the hurt look on Dylan's face deflated Harper's anger. "Awww, never mind. Doesn't really matter now, that won't be a problem this time. We just need to be a little patient. And what's up with the Mr. Harper again? How many times do I have to tell you it's Harper, just Harper."

Dylan looked up in shock. Did Harper just tell him to be patient? He rubbed his face, "I must be hallucinating, I could have sworn I just heard the most impatient human ever to be born tell me to be patient…"

Just then Rommie's eyes flew open. "Your calculations were off Harper, it took two hours forty seven minutes." She sat up, and looked around. "Hello Captain, Andromeda Ascendant avatar reporting for duty."

Harper broke into a huge smile, looked at her for a moment as if trying to restrain himself, then gave up and hugged her tight. "I'm so glad to see you that I don't even care you insulted me and still haven't said hi!"

She looked down at the top of his head, "Hello Harper. Thank you for repairing me." Looking back up at Dylan, "I am completely repaired and ready for duty. When may I return to the Andromeda?"

Harper finally let go of her and took a few steps back, rubbing his hands nervously on his pants and looking towards Dylan. "Why the rush Rommie? I thought you might like a little vacation here on Seefra. You can help me fix up this mess of a lab, meet your cousins, take some time to get to know your new-old body. It'll be fun! You're, uhh, not feeling any urge to run out of the room are ya? Ha, 'cuz see Dylan's right here!" Harper gestured towards the captain, eyes flicking back and forth between the two and the door.

"I don't understand, is something wrong with me?"

Dylan rescued the engineer before he descended into babbling, "Not at all Rommie. We just want to take things one step at a time. The rest of the crew has had a lot longer to get used to our current situation and we don't want to overwhelm you on your first day back. Don't worry, you'll be back on the Andromeda before you know it. Now, as much I would like to stay and talk with you I have to meet a man about some information. I'll check in with you two soon." With that he turned left the room.

Rommie stared at the door as the captain exited, then turned to Harper who was still looking at her strangely. :What would you like me to do first Harper?"

* * *

A/N: Kinda weak chapter, but I had to get Rommie into her body to move to the next stage of the story. I wanted to put more of how she was feeling at this point, but I couldn't seem to get my head around it. The next chapters will be better thought out, and longer. Promise! 


	6. Six Days

**Day One**

"So Rommie, how do you like the new body? This one should feel a lot better than the other ones I tried a few years ago; those ones I patched together using Seefran junk while this one is grade A prime Commonwealth components. So, come on, tell me how much of a genius I am."

"It's fine Harper, it meets all the requirements from the standard specs." Rommie was so intent on staring at her own hands that she didn't even see Harper deflate somewhat. Without warning she strode forward, reached the wall, touched it turned around, walked to the opposite wall, pulled some tools from their hooks, walked to a worktable and laid them down. Then she just stared down at the table.

Oh crap, thought Harper, Dylan's been out of the room for like five minutes and already she's gone crazy. Crap, crap, crap, why does the universe hate me so much, Dylan's gonna kill me if anything happens to her. Then Rommie turned and looked at him, and for the first time in over three years she smiled. "I can move Harper, I can really move. And see and hear and touch things. Harper, it's better than fine, it's perfect. Thank you."

The huge grin that appeared on the engineer's face stayed there all night as he watched Rommie rediscover corporeal existence doing back flips, juggling, and styling her hair.

**Day Two**

One of the many benefits of being a non-organic sentient being was the ability to maintain dozens of lines of thought simultaneously without confusion. However, without her connection to Andromeda to occupy her Rommie only needed two: one to consider the state of Harper's lab on Seefra, the other to analyze the previous day's behavior.

I don't know why I thought he would have learned how to maintain a lab during his time on this planet. Uggg, is that organic? I think it may still be alive. I can't believe that we traveled who knows how many light years through the Route of Ages to a pocket universe and I'm still cleaning up after Harper.

_What came over me yesterday? I juggled in front of Harper. I did back flips in front of him! It was almost as though I acted without conscious thought. But that is impossible, my programming does not allow me to act in that way, it could prove dangerous to my crew._

Why would he keep a bundle of fried optics? Oh no, that mess **is** alive. I think it's trying to follow me.

_Yesterday must have been an aberration, a minor overload in my matrix due to the sudden influx of sensory data I have not experienced for so long. It is very satisfactory to have new sensory data again. Once I re-establish the connection to the Andromeda I'm sure I will be able to act as a proper avatar and stop mimicking human behavior._

Well, this is much better, at least it looks like a lab now. Though I don't want to know how he got something that looks like peanut butter in the ventilation system. And that thing is still here. I'm almost certain it's following me.

_Those back flips did feel good yesterday though. And I should reacquaint myself with the performance of this body, determine its reaction times, limits, potential. Harper won't be back for hours…._

She was right, no one came to the lab for hours and hours. If they had they might have enjoyed the sight of the avatar literally bouncing off the walls, playing catch with herself, and dancing to silent music. But no one came to see her.

**Day Three**

Rommie spun around as the door to the lab opened. In walked a blond woman, acting as though she had every right to be there. Doyle.

"Hi. I'm Doyle. I just came to pick up some instruments for Harper. He's in the middle of a project and can't be bothered to come down here to pick up things he forgot in the first place. But you know how he is."

"Hello. I do know how he is. Is he on the Andromeda now? Is that where the Captain is as well?" That means **she** came from the Andromeda, where I belong.

"Mmm-hmm. Ah, here it is. You've done a great job cleaning up here, I can actually find things now. Well, I have to get back to the ship before Harper starts ranting about how no one appreciates his genius."

"Wait. Why did they send you? Why didn't they just send me a message to bring the instruments to the ship?"

"I thought you knew? Advanced tech is highly illegal here, if you left the lab you'd either be picked up and destroyed by the tech police or ambushed and disassembled by the local citizenry to sell for parts on the black market. Even in parts you'd fetch a high price."

"So why can you walk around, you're an android too?"

"I blend in because everyone here has always known me as a human, but as a newcomer people would be suspicious of you. Sorry. I really need to get back the ship now, Andromeda and I are finally starting to make progress with those Mithas crystals."

"I fail to see why I couldn't go to the Andromeda, but that is a discussion I need to have with the Captain not with you. You should go, I wouldn't want to interrupt your important work."

Why haven't they brought me to the ship yet? They don't have the right to keep me away from my ship-self, I need to talk to the captain. The door slid open again and, as if he could read her mind, Dylan entered.

"Rommie, I'm so sorry I haven't been able to talk to you and explain things." He held up a hand as Rommie opened her mouth to speak. "And I don't really have time now either. I somehow have to stop Tyrus from…well, it's a long story you don't need to hear. I just came to make sure you understand that you have to stay here for a little while longer while the rest of us work out a few little problems."

"But Captain, I don't understand. I can pass for organic human as well as Doyle, I've-"

"I know Rommie, you've done it before but that was in a different universe. Seefra is …different. And you are still adjusting to having a body again. Just say that you won't leave the lab for right now, and I'll come and explain everything as soon as I can."

"Of course Captain."

Dylan desperately wished there were more hours in the day. "You're ok with this right Rommie? You understand that we are trying to do what's best for you?"

"Of course Captain."

Rommie started to loose control over her thoughts as Dylan left. Her mind hadn't experienced this much turmoil since the days/weeks/months between Doyle's creation and Dylan's discovery of her.

This would be funny if it wasn't actually happening. First being too human was a liability, now being not human enough is. And they sent Doyle of all people to tell me that I am as trapped here as I was in the VR matrix. That android doesn't even seem to realize that she's a copy of me, stuck in a body I never would have allowed. And the captain won't tell me anything but still asks if I 'was ok' with his decision, as if I had any choice. Why did they even bother?

**Day Four**

Nothing at all happened on day four. Except that Dylan spent the entire day negotiating for energy crystals, Beka and Rhade hauled cargo to earn credits to pay for the crystals, and Harper and Doyle worked on a plan to save the Seefran system. But Rommie didn't know any of this as she stood alone in the exact center of the lab with her arms at her side, trying to distance herself as far as possible from her physical environment.

Strange the effects the constant stream of sensory data is having on me. It's almost as though sensation is a key to unlocking data I thought was destroyed. That bottle reminds me of the time I allowed Harper to convince me to try his beer. And the graphics on that monitor look like a beautiful work of abstract art Dylan had on the wall of his quarters. But the smell of fried electrics is the smell of battle and damage and pain. Even silence is a sensation. Silence is the sound of betrayal.

She closed her eyes, trying to block out more of the sensations.

Isn't this how human memories are triggered; linked to an image, or a smell, or a sound, or a taste? Does this make me more human, or less? So similar, but so different. My memories never fade or become dim, they are either there, or not. My senses, sight, smell, taste, touch, hearing, all of them can be reduced to algorithms used to interpret raw EM patterns, or chemical compositions, or sound wave amplitude. Andromeda and I never did settle our argument about whether or not my 'sensations' actually replicated human sensations or if I just learned to describe certain data patterns with organic adjectives. And the emotions attached to the memories… this is alltoo much, so much more than I was programmed for. I can't be that person again, I just can't do it.

This must be another overload, like the one that made me do back flips and dance. It must be a flaw in my processors, I just have to find a way to stop this.

Her solution to being overwhelmed by her humanity was to shut down most of her external sensors trying to prevent the recovery of anymore memories.

**Day Five**

Fortunately Rommie reactivated her sensors before Beka stopped by. "Hello? Beka Valentine delivery service at your…service. Yeah, I definitely need to get a new slogan there. So how are you Rommie, like the new body?"

Rommie turned to face Beka, apparently calm. Thinking that the resurfacing memories and emotions were to blame for herconfusion she had resolved to block out or ignore them all, not realizing how futile that sort of decision always is. "It's adequate, especially since staring at walls is all that I am expected or allowed to do."

Beka hesitated at the door, shifting the box she was carrying from one hip to the other. Though there was nothing obviously wrong she did not like the vibe she was getting from the avatar. "Well Rommie, you have to give Dylan a little time. I'm sure he'll have a plan for getting you back to the Andromeda any day now." Beka's voice had an edge to it, which Rommie picked up on immediately. She gave the pilot a hard look as Beka walked to the nearest table and deposited the box. "Anyway, I brought some stuff that should improve your mood." She picked up a flexi from the top of the box and held it up. "This is something Dylan wants you to work on, to help out with the sun problem." She placed the flexi down and gestured to the box. "The rest is some stuff Harper and I pulled together to amuse you during your spare time. I wish I could stay and talk more, but if I don't make my next delivery in thirty minutes or less then their calcium and lycopene enriched carbohydrate food product with processed protein based supplement on top is free. So…."

Rommie didn't feel like talking to Beka either and gave her old friend an out. "Thanks Beka. Please tell the captain that I'll start on the assignment immediately. Good luck with the rest of your deliveries today."

She waited until Beka made her exit before moving towards the box. She had already forgotten her resolution to block emotion, so her hopes were raised high before they were dashed by the contents of the flexi. It held a large data set, some equations derived from sources not given on the flexi and the results of the equations when the data set was run through them. The captain wanted her to double check the work, work which had obviously been done by the Andromeda and probably Doyle. It was makework pure and simple. The rest of the box was nearly as bad. It contained a number of outfits, make-up, and hair accessories and products. Rommie unconsciously clenched a shirt in her fists as she stared into the box.

So they still don't trust me with any real work, but I'm good enough to check the work of my other self and my replacement. I shouldn't be surprised, I've obviously been demoted to doll status. I wonder if the others expect to see me all made up in this paraphanelia the next time they come, or if I should play the part of the proper doll and wait for them to come and dress me as they like.

Rommie became aware of her clenched fists and forced herself to release the shirt and pick up the flexi. Despite her disappointment and bitterness she couldn't help but comply with Dylan's request; she began to double check the calculations.

I shouldn't be thinking these things, I know I'm being unreasonable. But why are they treating me this way? Don't they understand that I need more than to just exist? I don't understand what they want me to be. And I can't even ask them. I don't dare let them see me being so weak. I have to figure it out myself. Andromeda, I need you, it's been so long since I had someone I could share everything with. It's been so long since I was truly a warship, since I was whole. I just want to go home.

**Day Six**

Rhade entered the lab to the disturbing sight of Rommie apparently disassembling her arm. She was seated with her left arm resting on a table, palm up. A long flap of "skin" was peeled back and Rommie was probing what she had exposed with a long, slender, silver tool. "Rommie, what are you doing?"

"Hello Rhade, I haven't seen you in a long time. I assume you're here to pick up my _assignment_?" He was still staring at her arm. She knew it must be a disturbing sight, knew he wasn't there just to pick up her assignment. She even knew what she should say, but she just couldn't stop herself from saying what she shouldn't. "I was studying the internal construction of my arm. Aren't you going to say that you are glad to see me?"

"Hmmf. Yes. It's good to see you back to your old self. I've been busy, or I would have come to see you sooner." In truth, Rhade had been avoiding the avatar, but Dylan was unwilling to believe Beka's evaluation and had insisted Rhade travel down to the planet and observe at her 'from a Nietzschean point of view.' She wasn't making a good first impression.

"Yes, I wish I could say the same." She couldn't stop the dangerous question from leaving her mouth; she even took perverse pleasure in knowing she was asking what she shouldn't. "So tell me again Rhade, why can't I go back to the Andromeda?"

"I know the others have told you that tech is illegal and it would be too dangerous-"

She couldn't believe that all of them were using the same weak argument. "I'm not tech Rhade! Are you trying to tell me that before I was repaired you could have smuggled me up to the Andromeda on flexies or memory chips, but now that I am functional again I'm useless? If that's true, get me out of this body!"

"Don't be so irrational Rommie." It was a careless, almost meaningless remark meant to deflect her, but it hit Rommie hard. And she knew how to hit back.

""Irrational? You mean emotional? Tyr used to say that machines shouldn't have emotions, that it impaired their efficiency. I'm no more than a machine to all you Nietzscheans. You're no better than Tyr!"

"Don't compare me to Tyr! We are nothing alike!" It had been awhile since Rhade had been filled with this much righteous anger. He drew a deep breath to calm himself. "I'm going to forgive your _irrational_ comments, because I know that you have been living in hell and don't understand the situation we are in. But you aren't the only one alone in hell Rommie; every single one of us is alone and we're each in our own personal hell."

"I don't care about your problems Rhade, I just want to go home."

"We all do, we **all** do!

Rhade had had enough. He grabbed the flexi from the table, "I'll bring your work to Dylan and pass on your _request_."

Rommie couldn't stop thinking about the argument after he left.

That's it. I had hoped that as a Nietzschean Rhade would see me as a valuable asset and convince the captain to bring me to the Andromeda. I've ruined that. Now he sees me as an emotional liability; he'll probably recommend my immediate deactivation. Why couldn't I keep myself under control? I don't have control over anything anymore. I just wanted to know why.

I've never felt so alone in all my existence. At least before, when I had no body, there was a reason I was alone. Now I am whole again, surrounded by the world and thousands of people and I can't connect with anything other than my past. My past is the one thing I wish I was less connected to right now. My present wouldn't hurt so much if I could just stop comparing it with my past. Or at least see a future.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the delay in updating! As this thing slowly winds to a conclusion it's getting harder to get the words out. But at least it's a long chapter. Too long? I really wanted it to be all one chapter, but I know some people find long chapters difficult/irritating to read, at least online. And should I have marked Rommie's internal thoughts in some way? I didn't do it in the earlier chapters, but there is a lot more switching back and forth here... Thanks to all the lovely people who are still reading this!


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